A Letter to myself on the eve of returning to Bootcamp…

Peel back the layers

Dear Me,

It’s been 7 months since you’ve donned that workout gear and headed bravely into Bootcamp.  Only one more sleep until you go back, only this time you’ll be sporting a clunky hinged knee brace.  This will guarantee to make you feel even more ungraceful and foreign in a class of athletic girls.  Sorry about that self.  Your bones are getting older and there’s only so much torque you can put on a leg.

Tonight you will gather that old familiar outfit, pull out those runners and head to bed early so you can face tomorrow’s reality rested.  You’ve been in this moment many times before.  Recommitting to getting healthier.  What makes you think this time will be any different?  Well, this time you are scared, scared to death.  Things have gotten way out of hand on the scale and in your closet.  Sure, you can try and blame the fractured leg for inactivity, but that was 7 months ago!  Get over it.  That’s like saying you are carrying baby weight when the baby is already 9 years old!

So self…What are you afraid of?  That you’re too young to feel this old? That you’ve started avoiding certain activities with the kids cause you can’t keep up?  That event the ‘fat’ clothes in your closet are snug? Maybe it’s because no matter how seductive the candlelight might make things look, you don’t feel sexy anymore? Or are you mostly scared because your body isn’t working for you in life…your body has become the enemy? When you move your body, you lose your breath.  This is situation CRITICAL.

A year ago you could have called yourself a Fit Fat Girl.  Run up a couple flights of stairs? No problem.  Play soccer with the kid?  No problem.  Do burpees? Challenging, but no problem.  Walk the dogs? Definitely, no problem.  So what’s the issue here?

Dig deep here girl…You know what it is.  There is a dark enemy trying to defeat you.  It is vicious, it is all consuming, it is relentless and it’s judgement is severe and harsh.  Society does a great job shaming women for their looks, but critic is the most dangerous one of all.

The enemy is the inner voice that you are hearing right now.   It’s you.

Tommorrow morning you will rise, you put on your armour and gather the strength to slay your worst enemy.

You’ve got this.

Love from me, The Fit Fat Girl.

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2 thoughts on “A Letter to myself on the eve of returning to Bootcamp…

    • Hi Amanda, Thank you for checking in with me! I survived! Although it is a tough wake up call when your heartrate is already peaking during the warmup! I have so far to go it feels daunting, but todays goal was to get dressed and show up. Finishing the full circuit was not something I had planned on achieving so I guess I’m officially back in the game. Have a great day!

      Nicole

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