Three questions to change your life. Really.

Listen. If you’re trying to get your shit together, I’m about to make this really easy for you. And really hard. At the same time.

It doesn’t matter what shit you’re trying to get together…fitness, career, relationships, whatever. It’s just this simple: ask yourself three questions, answer them honestly, and then GO.

Easier said than done, I know, because I am right in the middle of doing just that and it is so. freaking. hard. But I promise you, if you do this, and–not to get all ooey-gooey on you–do it from your heart, your path will be clear. Not clear of obstacles or challenges or detours, mind you, more like clear for takeoff.

OHHHHH, one thing. I’m going to do this in three parts, and today is just the first part. Tee hee! I’m kind of a tease. But as I wrote it all up, this post got to be very, VERY long and I decided to break it up for more effect, and because it’s my blog and I can do whatever I want.

So, let’s get down to brass tacks. Get a pen and paper, because we’ve got work to do!

First question: What do you want?

Sound easy? Stupid to ask, almost? Maybe. But don’t oversimplify this one…it’s harder than it sounds.

Do you even know what you want? Can you write it down in clear and certain terms? If you’re not already living the life you’ve imagined, this is the place to construct it, and don’t shortchange yourself. Let’s hear some goals that are worth working towards, people! Not some cockamamie crap like, “A decent job that pays me okay.” Who just wrote that down? REALLY? That’s so lame. Way to strive for mediocrity out there. I know you’ve got something better than that to work towards.

(Oh, and if you are a total badass who is already living the life you’ve imagined, ROCK ON!!! Set some newer, awesomer goals today!)

goals: get some!
Don’t be tragic. Because that would suck.

For examples, we’ll talk mostly in terms of fitness goals because that’s largely what this blog is about, but I might throw a few other kinds of examples in the mix. That’s just how I roll.

So here are some things that I want (disclaimer: this is not an exhaustive list):

  • to drop my second 50 pounds (and in less time than it took me to drop the first 50)
  • to be fit enough to do anything I want, anytime I want (Sure! I’ll run a 5k with you tomorrow!)
  • to have a kickass body that makes me want to walk around naked all the time and that makes other people  jealous (Yeah, I said it. This is the time to get real.)
  • to inspire people with my writing and my journey, and ultimately be able to earn my living this way (What’s that? You’re interested in paying me to do that? Well, go ahead and shoot me an email at Like, right now, because I have a vacation coming up next week and some extra spending cash never hurt anyone.)
  • to raise confident, kind, respectful, compassionate children who are NOT BRATS (I can rant another day about how many brats we are growing in our society right now…) and who never undersell themselves

I know I can achieve all these things. If you decide to make such a list, I know you can achieve everything on yours. We can do amazing things as long as we don’t let fear stand in our way.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure

What are you still sitting here reading this for? Why aren’t you writing down WHAT YOU WANT in clear and certain terms like, RIGHT NOW? Sheesh.

Hurry up and do it, because tomorrow I’m going to post the second question, and you better be ready for it. Seriously.

14 thoughts on “Three questions to change your life. Really.

  1. I want to win the lottery…so I can spend all of my time either:
    1. Working Out
    2. Doing some cool sport (snowboarding/rock climbing/golfing/scuba diving etc)
    3. At the casino winning even more money
    4. Spending a day prepping and making a kick ass dinner
    5. You know what happens after kick ass dinners…

    • PETE! You goofball. I am fairly certain you could make all those things happen WITHOUT having to win the lottery…you are a pretty badass dude and you can totally achieve the independent wealth if you decide to. 🙂

  2. 1. Cut back on the peanut butter
    2. Life heavier weights- I want people to be in awe of my physique, my strength
    3. Run my fastest marathon in November- come run with me this weekend 🙂
    4. Expand my behavior consultation business
    5. Spend less time on the computer & more time working on business stuff
    6. I’ll second your no bratty kids
    7. Do more family things- I only have 3 years before my oldest goes to college. I know that sounds like a long time but it’s not.
    8. Go on another scuba diving trip & take the kids with me.

    I’m sure there’s more but that’s a start.

    • Tracy, I LOVE these! I wish I loved running but, frankly, I hate it! And one of the other things I want and am working toward is not wasting my time on things that I either don’t like, or that don’t add value for me. Right now, I get more out of training in class than running. BUT…I totally know you will ROCK this marathon and am so awed that you are taking on 26.2…AGAIN!

      • Steph,
        I don’t love running as much as I used to especially after finding Tuff Girl. I wanted to do one more marathon because the last one was so horrible. The training sucks & I think this might be my last one. I definitely get more out of boot camp than I do running. I like your idea of getting rid of things you don’t like or don’t add value. There’s a lot more to life than worrying about that stuff.

  3. I agree! And I totally get that goal of doing one more for the time…to compete against yourself. Sometime in the future, even though i really didn’t love it, I will probably train for another triathlon just so I can get a better time on my record. 🙂

  4. Steph – here’s my question and maybe it’s coming in part 2. So you have these awesome goals that probably scare you a bit. How do you figure out how to achieve them? I have a couple big things on my list, but frankly, and maybe it’s fear of failure, I feel paralyzed about how to make them happen. I tried a couple things and got rejected so that for sure isn’t helping, but I keep coming back wanting the same thing so have at least sorted out that this desire is real and not some crazy notion (well, it is a bit crazy, but it’s growing in importance to me). Anyway, I know I’m rambling here, but how do you deal with the overwhelming nature of it all. I want to follow Christa’s advice of letting go of the safety nets etc, but when things are so big that gets even more scary and risky. How did you quit your job when you couldn’t afford it? How are you recovering from that now? A bit personal question, but I was impressed that you did that. When I contemplate things like that it feels unrealistic as I’m the main bread winner. Any food for thought appreciated. Thanks for listening.

    • Hi Rachel! I did talk about a few things that might help today, but I completely 100% understand how you feel and might add a few things here. Especially with the job piece. The situation with that other job became truly unbearable for me–and my family–and the risk of uncertainty of me finding another job before the money ran out was far outweighed in that situation by the stress and unhappiness.

      I would ask, if you want to leave your job but the financial piece is more important right now, what are you doing while you are still at that job to work toward your goal of something better? That’s the situation I am in now. My new job is nice: it’s comfortable, it pays well, and I work with lovely people. But it’s not my ultimate career aspiration to be a cog in a corporate machine, so I’m putting in a ton of effort on the side to build toward something that I love and that inspires me. How can you do something similar?

      These are hard decisions, my friend. But I know that if you decide, you can move forward in any direction you choose…even if you’re moving very slowly and it takes a long time to get there. 🙂

  5. Soon as the debt is paid off, I can get working on being independently wealthy…I used to run a 10k every day and then 10-12 miles on Saturday and take Sunday off. Now, I only run if it’s in the WOD, or after a workout I put on a 25lb vest and do a mile to a mile and a half. I’m doing a little running this week though because I’m working from home. I’m also looking at buying a new house – going to see it tomorrow – and if we get it, I’ll be looking for some sort of extra work/job where I can make just a few extra $$$ over the course of the next year so that I can build a truly awesome home gym…as in raising a structure on the property that is solely dedicated to working out…First, gotta get the house…

  6. Here I go…
    1. Stop falling off the fitness wagon right when I can actually see my goal!
    2. Have exercise be a life style not a chore on my to do list.
    3. Actually hear someone say..”you look good for 46″
    4. Wear a bikini again…in public…where I might be seen by someone…and not immediately run into the water!

    …thats a start!

    Hope to see you at bootcamp sometime. We are on opposite schedules!

    • Hi Joanne! Thanks for chiming in with your goals–I love the bikini one! 🙂 I hope we catch each other sometime soon…it’s been a long time!

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